Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
