im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
