she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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