is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize