i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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