i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We left the knife in your bed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
