WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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