i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
