Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
