We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
