I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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