I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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