Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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