it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
