I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
