I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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