I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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