Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
