Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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