Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
