I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize