I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
should my penis look like a turkey
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
