How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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