Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
