I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
