Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You ate ashes out of my bong
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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