Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
