is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
