She said her name was "party"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
