This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
