Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
