Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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