So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
