omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
