sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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