Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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