He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize