Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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