Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize