were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
