I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
