Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
