God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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