Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
