Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
