yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
