fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
