Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
