I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
