oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
