seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
