so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
