I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
