Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
