I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
