You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
