The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
