I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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