he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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