it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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