I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How naked do you want me to be?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
