It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
