i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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