Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
