I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
