I'm gonna have a badass scar
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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