would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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