Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize