let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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