The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
whose parrot is this?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
