3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
