dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
